I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
