Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
