Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize