you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
