Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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