I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
