Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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