ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
