it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
