I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
