Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
