1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
