I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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