just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
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I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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