i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Tornado booty call.. dedication
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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