this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
