3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
