i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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