never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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