While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
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Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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