Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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