This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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