once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
