You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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