remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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