So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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