The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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