I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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