When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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