I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
