Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
