marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
