Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
