i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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