Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
