I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Im part way to drunk.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
