Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
