her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
