Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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