WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
