So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
