when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if only i could text you this smell
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
