Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
