Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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