I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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