I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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