Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
our cab driver is having phone sex.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
