walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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