Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
