i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
