All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need a beard to bite.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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