No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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