The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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