Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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