You can't motorboat a personality
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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