I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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