Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
