Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
