Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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