I wish I could teleport
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
