I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
