I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
