I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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