My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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