it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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