I wish my penis had an off switch
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
