wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
