Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
what day is it and did you see me today?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
