they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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