I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
