I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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