just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
