He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
