I wish they made helmets for livers.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize