so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
