help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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