My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
