oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
